i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
