This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just google imaged poop.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
