Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
