I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
