Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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