dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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