Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
