is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
NoShamevember. You game?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
