you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
