Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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