Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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