There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
