just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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