I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize