I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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