You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
