Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
