I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
