I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
