Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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