I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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