Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
