How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
