It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
