Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Watching her eat just hurts me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
