Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
