Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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