I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
