We won't sleep together?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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