I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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