we have pet lesbian snakes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
