How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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