yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
