They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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