All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's blow job season.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
