Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
