I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
