he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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