There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
