butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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