I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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