I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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