Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
