I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
