then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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