you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
