theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
