thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
