I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
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We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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