I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
