my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
