I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
