i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
