I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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