that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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