woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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