He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
