I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
