You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
