it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
