is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You pole danced in your parka.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
