how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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