Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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