I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
