brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
