remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
