On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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