I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
