really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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